As 2020 comes to a close, I have not been reflecting as much as I usually do at the end of the year. However, it is important that I reflect. 2020 had been filled with new situations, there have been challenges, and a lot of changes. Yet, when I sit and think back, it has not been so bad. Much of my stress has been of my own doing as I have been unable to ride the waves of 2020. A lot of unexpected circumstances occurred in that year that took me off guard. My capacity to remain optimistic was severely dampened in 2020. My yoga practice and fitness regimen in general was affected by that tumultuous year. It was difficult to separate myself from others’ issues. Empathy is a gift, simultaneously a curse. There has to be a balance, an ability to not take on more than one can bear.
We live in a society that glorifies working yourself to the bone, “grinding”, “hustling”. One thing 2020 taught me is that I’m not going to add more to my plate in the name of productivity. How productive can one be with so many things going on at once? Looking back, 2020, was a hamster on a wheel. Running in futility in one direction, yet not going anywhere. 2021 does not have to be that way. I’m sure it will come with its own challenges but it’s time to carve a path forward. The gift I’ll be accepting is perseverance. Happy New Year!
The title of this post pays homage to a yogi that I follow on Instagram whom found me because many of my hashtags would include “#badyoga or #badatyoga”. In fact, I still am bad at yoga. I tend not to follow the status quo in my practice and even how I started yoga was not your standard introduction to yoga at the time. Now, it is very normal to practice yoga online. When I started, practicing online using YouTube was not exactly popular. With the appearance of COVID-19, yoga schools and yoga teachers are now adapting and have live classes online which has made yoga more accessible. This is an absolute boon for those like myself who do not have the time or funds to go to a yoga studio. Not to mention, fantastic for those who balked at the idea of going to a studio and feeling unwelcome due to the pretentious yoga teachers and their students.
The more I practice, the more I realize how ridiculous it is to focus on perfection. This is something I’ve repeated many times, progress not perfection. When referring to perfection, not saying one should ignore proper alignment or proper breathing. You want proper alignment so that you don’t hurt yourself but you don’t want to try to push your bodies into angles to look picture perfect. In doing so, you will hurt yourself. This goes for living life. When I push myself to perfection, it causes unnecessary issues. I end up doing too much, overwhelming myself, and inevitably burning out. Going slow is okay, taking detours is okay, and if there is no time limit, taking the process step by step. Sometimes, that even means starting over. I’m bad at yoga because I don’t care if I can do a handstand or a standing split or pincha. I don’t care if my hip is open just a little and not perfectly square. I’m doing what is right for me and going through my process. It is my practice and it is my life.
It could be because I have started yoga teacher training but lately I have been really focused on if I am making a difference. I hope that I am making a positive difference in my son’s life and maybe that is the only difference I need to make. However, the nagging feeling of making a difference (a good one) in a larger way has been really sitting on me. In my corporate job, I just feel as if I am going through the motions. Another cog in the wheel, so the speak. I probably have that saying wrong but you get the idea. Like a hamster in a wheel going nowhere. The reality is that I am there because money is needed to take care of my family. There has to be another way to be able to take care of my family that does not feel so soulless.
I will find my place where I wake up happy to work. I will work for others in a capacity that brings light to my life and theirs. It is more than just a hope, it is in process. It has always amazed me seeing people; young and old who are able to know what they want and go for it. It is particularly impressive for those older because as youth, we are constantly told that we have to make our decisions now, that we have to do it while we are young, or we will have regrets when we are old. Then we have the older people who are doing what they have always wanted to do. They graduate college, become dancers, actors/actresses, authors, and are able to live their desire. So what really stops us from making changes? Fear.
Do we need fear? Yes, we do and fear can save our lives. Fear falls into two categories in my head: the fear that can save our lives and the fear that makes us afraid to step out on faith. I would like to turn the latter, fear into hope. What is the point of the word “hope” if we rarely use it? What is the point of the word “faith” if we rarely have it? These are words that are here for us. Words that we carry in the back of our brains when we need them in the front of our soul. Wrap these two words together, then add love, for yourself.
It’s been one year of Spoonful of Honey. Still a work in progress and finding it’s way but will keep working and playing with it. Very challenging times right now with COVID-19 and we should remember to be kind to yourself and others. For this celebration of one year, I practiced with Adriene and enjoyed Happy Birthday Yoga. A beautiful practice for a birthday.
“Healing is not about ‘staying away from something bad’ but about living a life led by positive values & intentions’” ~ Gabor Maté
Yoga is a physical practice for a spiritual purpose. Powerful words from Rajat Thakur. Yoga is like a dance, it is communicative, tells a story. It combines power and grace, words that seem to have different meanings. When we think of power, sometimes violence or aggression comes to mind or being in control of others. Yoga reminds us that power is beautiful and graceful when you are in control of yourself. The name of the poses themselves are even powerful yet they look graceful such as reverse warrior. The word “warrior” itself speaks of power, yet when you look at the pose, it is reminiscent of a dancer. There is an actual asana called “dancer” which requires a great amount of internal power and flexibility.
Yoga teaches us about the power and grace within ourselves. Working on giving grace to ourselves and others can be very challenging. Even in my practice, I find myself losing grace towards myself. I judge myself and nitpick. It takes away from the power of my practice as well. That also affects my whole day, if I lose power and grace within my practice. We are also living in a time where I am feeling powerlessness creep in and a lack of grace. We are dealing with COVID-19 and if I am being honest, there is some anxiety. I am worried and at the same time telling myself “It is what it is.” We cannot live in fear but we can be cautious. This why I need to ground myself in my internal power with yoga, find balance to bring grace. The schools are closed which means my son is home during the day when he normally would not. Instead of fretting about it, this is a time to strengthen the power of our relationship and teach him more about grace.
Taking care of your spiritual self helps not just you but others and their spirits. In stressful times like right now when we do not know what each day will bring, it is even more important to feed our spiritual self with power. This can be done with the grace of prayer, yoga practice, and any other type of physical movement. It is also important to wash your hands.